“So… this was a twin pregnancy?” she finally said with a twinge of sentiment.
I’m not even sure how I responded, but I think I said something along the lines of “What?”
No longer cool, I was suddenly freezing, stuck in a moment of a million thoughts as my mind tried to make sense of her question to me.
In a half-empathetic tone, she told me it looked like there were twins and I lost one of them.
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You've taken your first steps. Your first steps all on your own! As your mother, I will always remember this milestone in your life. I will write it down in a little book and tell your grandparents with pride: "He did it! He is walking all on his own!"
But you don't know any of this right now. Sure, you recognize the joy on my face and in my voice and we exchange great, big smiles; but, what you don't know yet is that this new skill of yours will take you to places you cannot even comprehend in that sweet little head of yours.
Some days we just feel “less than.”
We wake up that way, we wake up feeling less than…
Less than rested, less than restored, less than ready for the day
And we move through the day carrying that with us...we move on feeling less than...
When they’re sleeping, nothing else matters but the sound of them breathing...softly and ever-so-sweetly.
When they’re sleeping, we choose to forget the trials of the day, forgive ourselves for the things we could have done better, and try to let our stresses go.
When they’re sleeping, we get down on our knees and thank God for choosing us to be their mamas.
May his hair always blow in the wind and his wavy wisps always point him in the right direction.
May his head always be a sponge for new knowledge, perspective, and ideas piqued by his own interests and curiosity.
May his eyes always lock with others who love the soul behind his piercing hazel hue, and may they always see the beauty in what surrounds him.
May his ears always receive messages of peace and endearment, and may they always remain open to listen to the words, woes, ways, and will of others.
It is our beautiful relationship, my connection with you now, as an adult, that also gives me hope. I know now that if I do what you did, if I love my children with all of my heart, there is a pretty good chance that when they’re adults, they will still need me, too . . . the way I need you.
It will be a different kind of “need” than the kind it is now, but it will be an important, bittersweet, and beautiful kind of need, for certain.
“How did you do it, Mom? How did you know how to be such a good mom?”
“I didn’t,” you replied. “I just loved you with all my heart.”
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