Let It Go

Let it go!

I sit up on my living room couch - ears perked, mid-movie - as I hear my two-year-old daughter singing her rendition of “Let It Go” for the first time of the night...

The night- you know- the time when she should be sleeping.

Let it go!

I cringe knowing she will surely wake her sleeping baby brother as her lovely notes ever-so-gracefully escalate with each repetition of the key phrase.

The sound calms for a moment and then I hear a vivid recount of the Frozen book we read before bed.

Let it go!

I look in the camera and I see her holding up a book, like a teacher, arms flailing as she acts out Elsa and Ana creating ice palaces left and right.

And then I see it - the shadow of my son…popping up in his crib, arms stretched out to his sister squealing for her attention.

She continues reading and then I hear him utter two of the four words he knows to date, “Uh- oh!”

They go back and forth.

Let it go!
Let it go!

And suddenly my cringe turns into a smile.

I tell myself to “let it go.”

I fight the urge to hush them back to sleep.
I fight the fear of a horrible night of sleep for us all (because I know how this ends up.)
I fight the need to stare at the monitor, only to quickly gaze at the clock, as I count the minutes they spend awake and not sleeping.
I fight the habit of playing out the picture of a sleep-deprived day tomorrow in my mind.

And I choose to just let it go.

I choose to see their delight in each other’s company.
I choose to see the love in their voices and communication with one another.
I choose to see their playfulness when they know they should be horizontal and snoozing.
I choose to see their joy in just being present in the moment.

And though it can be hard for me, I choose to heed my daughter’s advice and I join her in her ice filled dream world of letting it go.

I might even sing a verse or two from out here on the couch...